Suffice it to say, patience is not a virtue I possess! Most of you know that I walk, talk, eat and even fall asleep FAST and if there are questions that need answers I want them now! Waiting for pathology results and re-scheduling appointments was making me crazy but I realized yesterday that every negative, angry, desperate thought I allow is like a weed that chokes out the growth of trust, peace and healing. Waiting for pathology results required continuous “weeding” this past week! The pathology was available yesterday, just hours before my meeting with the oncologist and the results are very hopeful. In a nutshell, cancer was successfully removed and surgical margins are clear. Chemotherapy will not be necessary, although I will have radiation for several weeks. I meet with the radiation oncologist December 15 and will have more answers at that time.
I included this quote as a comment previously, but I think it’s worth sharing again. “Now I understand that to be truly alive is to expand and embrace the broader range of human experience: bittersweet sadness, righteous anger, even deep and honest despair. I surrender the illusion that this is my show. I allow my heart to break open. It is through the cracks that God enters and stirs my heart and soul to their fullest expression. This is the true fulfillment of one’s human potential, and it comes only when you are willing to let your own self-reliant spirit be broken.” Carol Matzkin Orsborn
Just days after I posed the question concerning cancer labels my sister-in-law gave me a book, “Speak the Language of Healing: Living with Breast Cancer without Going to War.” It has helped me to understand that many people face disease with a need to “fight” and some research reveals that a fighting spirit can be instrumental in healing. I don’t have any judgement for those who face illness with that spirit – it just doesn’t work for me. I can’t bring myself to wage war on my body, acknowledge that cancer is an adversary worth fighting or accept that this is a battle that cancer will win and I will lose or vice-versa. Nor do I want this experience to define me. Since my diagnosis, I pray daily for healing but I pray for healing of every aspect of my life and I trust that I will be healed regardless of the outcome of this disease and my life will be richer for the experience.
“Healing is not the same as curing. Healing does not take us back to what was before, rather, healing brings us closer to our true self.”