Wow! It’s been ten days since my surgery. Ten short/very long days! The surgery was nearly eight hours but it went well and I was able to go home the next day and start the process of healing. When people ask how I’m feeling, the short and easy answer is, “I’m sore and slow and sleepy but I’m good”. “Good” is the simplest adjective to describe how I’ve felt the last ten days – highest highs (elation and relief to wake up and be told that the surgeons determined that they wouldn’t need to do the more complicated reconstruction we had scheduled which meant less time in the hospital and a much easier recovery), and lowest lows (pain, fear, loss, grief), and every emotion and feeling in between. The pain has been manageable with OTC medications for the last five days or so, which leaves me more clear-headed and less groggy. The greatest source of discomfort now is the drains. I’ll spare you the details and simply say they are annoying but (God-willing) they come out next week and I’ve been singing modified Wilson Phillips (Hold On) lyrics… “Break free from the drains!”
The last couple days I have felt better and stronger and I realized what a blessing it is to have time to recover. None of this has been easy but rather than dwelling on all that is unpleasant I am aware that I’ve never in my life had time like this to really focus on wellness and tune in to the needs of my body. Guilt free! I have rested when I am tired and have the luxury of feeding my body what it needs and craves (kiwi and berries by the pound even in January!) I have time to pray and meditate and just BE. The weather has warmed up and for several days I’ve been able to walk (albeit, more slowly than ever before) a few miles and soak up the sunshine. I’m also becoming keenly aware that this process of healing and the following steps will take time. There are still many unknowns which is frustrating. In movies and books a diagnosis is followed up with a definitive plan and predictable outcomes but in real life it’s a series of wait-and-sees. I think part of the lesson, certainly the challenge, is enduring the uncertainties with hope and positivity.
I was chatting with a friend a few weeks ago and she suggested that a cancer diagnosis doesn’t just affect an individual but is a diagnosis for the whole family. There is truth in that observation. My kids and husband have been remarkably supportive, loving, and compassionate yet this has taken a toll on them as well. They have demonstrated great strength while experiencing their own moments of grief, stress, and fear – which is much harder to witness than dealing with it myself! They are truly amazing and I am so thankful for each of them and for all the simple ways they demonstrate their love for me. I am also grateful to the people in our lives who have reached out to Brian and the kids – sent messages, made meals, or set aside time to check in with them and meet their needs too. We are blessed to be surrounded by so many loving friends, family, colleagues, and neighbors who have helped to sustain us and make the last couple months (especially the last two weeks) more bearable. Thank you!
Hugs,
Gretchen
“Hang on to your hat. Hang on to your hope.
And wind the clock, for tomorrow is another day.” – E.B. White
justgrateful1 